12 Tips for Getting Through Thanksgiving with an Eating Disorder
Written by CCTC Staff Writer
For some people, the holidays are the best part of the year. For others, the holidays are stressful and excessive. For people with an eating disorder, the holidays are the most anxiety-provoking part of the year. Here are tips for getting through Thanksgiving with an eating disorder, including:
Advice on what to do before Thanksgiving day
How to handle Thanksgiving day triggers
What to do in the moment if you do get triggered
What to do after Thanksgiving day to maintain your recovery
It’s okay if you just “get through” the holidays. Getting through the holidays with an eating disorder, and maintaining your recovery, is more important than anything else.
1. Do not obsess over the holiday festivities.
Have you ever had an exam you were really nervous about, or gone on a large rollercoaster? The anticipation was more terrifying than the actual exam or ride, right?
The same is true for Thanksgiving: the fear is worse than the actual event if you let the anticipation build.
Instead of letting anxiety build, try to keep yourself occupied before the holiday. This might include practicing distress tolerance skills, doing self-care, or relying on someone in your support system.
Related: Use these six forms of mindful self-care practices in eating disorder recovery.
2. If you are traveling somewhere else, prepare in advance.
If you are a college student coming home for Thanksgiving break, or you’re going to another person’s house for the holiday, pack water and snacks so you don’t end up restricting, plan your day ahead, and make a plan for if you run into problems such as delayed flights.
Related: Read more on how to survive and thrive in eating disorder recovery.
3. Designate at least one support person to confide in and keep you company.
Find at least one person who knows about and at least somewhat understands your eating disorder. Talk to them when you feel triggered, ask them to distract you when you need it, and walk away from a situation with them if you get too overwhelmed.
If there’s no one you can lean on in person, have at least one person you can call or text when you’re in need. Have them call you if you need an excuse to leave a conversation that may trigger you.
4. Offload responsibilities when you need to.
Often, people with an eating disorder feel an immense need to be helpful, productive, and — at times — micromanage everything. This may stem from a sense of guilt over food, a perceived need to help, or a desire to have some sense of control over a potentially chaotic day.
However, the more responsibilities you have, the more stressed out you may become.
Communicate with your support system to offload responsibilities that may stress you out. Let them know that too much responsibility can affect your day and potentially set you back in your recovery.
They will understand, and they won’t think you’re being selfish for putting your recovery first.
5. Do not skip meals or snacks as a response to Thanksgiving dinner.
A lot of people hold off on eating in anticipation of the large late-afternoon holiday meal and dessert. If you restrict before the meal, though, you may end up overeating and experiencing food guilt. This may start a cycle of binging and restricting that can easily snowball into a full-blown relapse.
This might happen if you restrict food after the meal, too. Make sure to eat breakfast the day after Thanksgiving, even if you overeat the day before.
6. Use thought reframing if you sense your thoughts are spiraling.
You will probably experience a lot of irrational eating disorder thoughts throughout the day, and throughout the holiday season in general. These irrational, negative, unhelpful thoughts are also known as cognitive distortions. When this happens, try to ground yourself and reframe your thoughts to reach more neutral, reasonable thoughts.
For example, you might think something like, “If I eat this food, I’ll gain five pounds.” This thought could be so distressing and triggering that you avoid the food altogether.
Instead of letting this thought spiral and hold power over you:
Pause.
Write down your thoughts about the situation.
Identify what kind of cognitive distortion your thoughts align with.
Write down factual evidence that proves your negative thoughts. Write down thoughts to disprove your negative thoughts. You will probably find that, in reality, your thought is not actually true.
Come up with a thought that aligns more with the facts of the situation you’re in.
Going back to the example above, you would take a pause. Then, you would write down the negative thoughts that come up when you think about the food being served. You might think that you will gain a lot of weight, that everyone will notice, that you won’t even fit in your clothes anymore after dinner.
These types of thoughts are catastrophizing. You can’t actually gain weight by eating one specific type of food, or after one meal. Your body can’t drastically change in the span of one day. You might see yourself differently in the mirror, but that’s not the reality of the situation.
Some more reasonable, helpful thoughts might be something along the lines of:
All food is just food. No single food has more influence on my body than others.
I physically cannot gain an extreme amount of weight in one night.
I may feel bloated after eating, but that’s normal. That will go away.
I may feel uncomfortable in my body now, but this feeling will not last forever.
It’s important to note that it is okay to gain weight. Gaining weight, even if it’s not muscle or water weight, is a much better alternative to getting stuck in your eating disorder. But you can’t gain and keep on weight from one meal and within the span of one day. Keep that in mind throughout each stressful holiday meal.
7. Set boundaries early on in the holiday season.
The holidays are filled with food, parties, and people who you may not have seen in a long time.
You may have been deep in your eating disorder the last time you were at these types of occasions with more distant friends and relatives. You might look or sound different, and you will (hopefully) behave in much different ways in recovery.
(Note: Your body may not look dramatically different in recovery. Many people with an eating disorder do not gain or lose a dramatic amount of weight. In fact, most peoples’ weight fluctuates throughout the entirety of their eating disorder experience. And that’s okay. Your eating disorder is valid, whether your outward appearance has changed or not.)
It’s best to set recovery-focused boundaries early on in the holiday season, so the rest of the year goes a little smoother.
8. Let others know what is safe to talk about, and what is not.
Unfortunately, we as a society are still deeply entrenched in diet culture. People of several ages engage in diet culture in several different ways. Let them know that you can’t participate in conversations surrounding diet culture.
For example, tell your relatives that you do not want to discuss:
How much everyone is (or is not) eating
Exercise regimens
The ways your body and/or routines have changed
New diet or “wellness” habits
“Good” or “bad” foods
Food guilt
Anything that may trigger you
Assert your needs. The people who respect you and your recovery will make the best attempts to change their language and behaviors. It may take some people who have been severely affected by diet culture. But diet culture rules and language can be unlearned, if you gently remind them when they’re using triggering language.
9. Consider keeping your distance from triggering people on Thanksgiving.
Some people may not respect your recovery enough to try avoiding triggering language. Others may be unintentionally triggering. It’s not their fault, but it’s still triggering.
Strongly consider keeping a healthy amount of distance from triggering people, or having a support person act as a buffer to redirect conversation to something not related to food, weight, or exercise. Really consider this if you’re just starting out in recovery.
10. Let someone else plate your food, or follow your support person’s lead.
You might not know what a normal amount of food looks like, especially in early eating disorder recovery. So, let someone else plate your food, or just plate your food in a similar way to your support person. (Your support person should not have a disordered relationship with food.)
And Get food you actually want to eat on your plate.
Whether you plate your food or someone else does, make sure to get food that you really want to eat. Try not to go for the “healthiest option.” Try foods you’d really like to eat if you feel confident that you’re in a solid enough place in your recovery to face fear foods outside of treatment.
11. Don’t push yourself too hard.
While facing a lot of eating disorder challenges is great, doing too much in one day can have negative consequences.
If you’re not ready to try a bunch of fear foods, wear fancy clothes, or severely deviate from a food schedule, honor that. Honor your current place in recovery.
If you’re early on in recovery, or experiencing an eating disorder slip, don’t try to challenge yourself on Thanksgiving. Just do whatever you need to get through the day without restricting food, using compensatory behaviors like exercising or purging, and try to avoid setting yourself up for a binge.
You might not be able to take part in all the events related to the holiday. But it’s more important to stay firm in your recovery. There will be other holidays to take part in — only if you honor where you are in recovery in the moment.
12. If you do use eating disorder behaviors, get back on track as soon as possible.
If you do slip up and use behaviors, or you can’t enjoy every part of a holiday, recommit even more to recovery the next day. Thanksgiving is only one day. It’s not a big deal unless you use it as an excuse to spiral into a relapse.
You are not a failure for slipping up. Your recovery isn’t ruined. Just commit to the next meal or snack. Commit to avoiding compensatory behaviors. Commit to your life without an eating disorder.
Related: This is the difference between an eating disorder slip, lapse, and relapse, and how to recommit to your recovery, no matter how much you have slipped back into eating disorder behaviors.
Tell someone when you need help recommitting to recovery. Eating disorders thrive on secrecy and shame. So, instead of keeping slip ups to yourself, tell someone else.
Then, ask them to hold you accountable for the next meal or snack. Ask them to distract you from thoughts of purging, exercise, or other damaging behaviors. Remain honest with them, and with anyone on your treatment team if you have one.
Listen to your inner healthy voice, a support person, or your treatment team if they tell you that you need more formal support. Take action when you need to go to therapy or a treatment program, or need to step up in your level of care if you’re struggling with the current amount of support you have.
The holidays are hard — and it’s normal to struggle. Acknowledge your victories, and when you need help. And, of course, try to enjoy yourself whenever possible.
If you or a loved one is suffering from an eating disorder, don’t panic. Take the first step today and talk to someone about recovery or learn more about the holistic, flexible eating disorder recovery programs we offer.