Internal Family Systems and Caring for the Inner Child
Written by Emily Costa
In this blog we delve into two interconnected therapeutic concepts - healing your inner child and Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy - and their profound significance in overcoming eating disorders.
Our inner child represents our earliest experiences and the emotions we felt at those times, and it is often in this vulnerable core that the roots of many adult struggles lie. On the other hand, IFS is an empowering form of psychotherapy that identifies and addresses multiple sub-personalities or 'parts' within each person's mental system. Together, these therapeutic methods offer a compassionate journey towards self-understanding and lasting recovery from eating disorders.
Read on to learn more about:
What Internal Family Systems (IFS) is
The theory of the inner child
What the process of healing your inner child may look like
How unresolved issues can lead to disordered eating behaviors
Positive changes from connecting with your inner child
Ways to connect with your inner child and cultivate healing
Reaching out for help
What is Internal Family Systems?
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapeutic approach designed by Dr. Richard Schwartz. It is based on the concept that an individual's psyche is composed of different sub-selfs or "parts," each with its own characteristics, perspectives, and roles. These parts are categorized into three groups: exiles, managers, and firefighters.
Exiles are the parts holding painful emotions from past traumas. Managers endeavor to control one's behavior to avoid feelings of pain or vulnerability. Firefighters aim to distract the mind when exiles break through the defenses set up by the managers.
Every part within the Internal Family Systems model has its own unique cognitions, emotions, convictions, necessities, and cravings. We can perceive these parts as separate entities residing within us, each contributing to the formation of our conduct, feelings, and overall state of health and happiness.
Parts are not inherently negative or harmful. Rather than treating some parts as 'bad' or dysfunctional, IFS promotes the understanding that every part has a positive intent for the individual, even if its actions or effects might be counterproductive or causing distress.
IFS therapy helps individuals understand and reconcile these internal conflicts. The ultimate goal is to strengthen the "Self," which is the confident, compassionate core of an individual that remains once all the parts are set aside. By facilitating a dialogue between the Self and the parts, IFS encourages self-awareness and healing, fostering harmony within the internal family system.
The Theory of the Inner Child
The theory of the Inner Child, often considered complementary to IFS therapy, is a psychological concept that suggests that we all possess an inner child-a subconscious sub-self that retains the experiences, emotions, and perceptions of our childhood. This inner child represents the child we once were and continues to influence our reactions to the world around us, especially in situations that trigger unresolved emotions or traumas from our past.
In practical terms, if our inner child experienced traumas or had unmet needs, it could lead to feelings of inadequacy, fear, or anxiety in our adult lives. Conversely, if our inner child experienced love, security, and care, it could result in confidence, positivity and resilience.
Here are some examples of how your inner child may show up in your present day:
Overreaction to Criticism
If someone had a critical parent, their inner child could manifest through hypersensitivity to criticism. Even mild feedback can trigger feelings of inadequacy, leading to defensive behavior, anxiety, or overcompensation.
Need for Validation
Constantly seeking approval from others is an indication of an inner child who didn't receive enough affirmation growing up. This can result in a struggle with self-confidence and an overreliance on external validation.
Fear of Abandonment
Individuals who experienced neglect or abandonment may have an inner child that fears being left alone. This can emerge as clinginess in relationships or anxiety when alone.
Difficulty Trusting Others
A person who struggled with unstable relationships in their childhood may exhibit an inner child that has difficulty trusting others, resulting in guarded behavior and fear of vulnerability.
What is the Process of Healing Your Inner Child?
The process of healing your inner child often includes steps such as identifying traumatic or impactful childhood experiences, understanding the impact of these experiences on your adult behavior, expressing feelings associated with those experiences, and developing new, healthier coping mechanisms. Through this process, individuals can begin to release past hurts or fears that have been carried into adulthood.
Understanding and healing the inner child ties directly into the IFS model, as many of the exiled parts in our psyche are parts that have been hurt during our childhood and have been suppressed. By healing these parts, we can achieve harmony and balance within our internal family system.
How Can an Unhealed Inner Child Contribute to Eating Disorder Behaviors?
An unhealed inner child can significantly contribute to eating disorder behaviors. The trauma or emotional pain harbored by the inner child often manifests itself in adulthood as self-critical thoughts, feelings of inadequacy, and a distorted perception of self-worth. All these factors can potentially trigger unhealthy eating behaviors, serving as a coping mechanism to numb the emotional pain. Eating disorders, whether in the form of anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating, can be seen as the 'firefighters' in the IFS model, attempting to distract or soothe the individual from the distress caused by the 'exiles' or the unhealed parts of their psyche. By acknowledging and compassionately healing the inner child, individuals can start to break the cycle of disordered eating, replacing it with healthier coping strategies and fostering a more positive relationship with food and self.
Here are some examples of how unresolved inner child issues can present itself through disordered eating:
Pressure to be perfect
Sophie developed bulimia in her early twenties. Her unhealed inner child often shows up as a constant need for perfection. As a child, Sophie was always expected to achieve the highest grades and be the best in her hobbies. In her adult life, this has translated into an intense fear of failure and a harmful obsession with her body image, leading to unhealthy eating patterns.
Seeking comfort
Tom's struggle with binge eating started during his late twenties. His parents divorced when he was young, which led to feelings of insecurity and instability. When these feelings re-emerge in his adult life, Tom's inner child seeks comfort and stability in the form of food, leading to overeating.
Looking for acceptance
Rachel, a college student, has started to demonstrate signs of anorexia nervosa. She was always told she was 'chubby' in her childhood, causing her inner child to develop a distorted perception of her body. As a coping mechanism, Rachel restricts her food intake, believing this is the only way she can be accepted and loved.
Emotional relief
Alex often resorts to emotional eating in response to stress. During his childhood, food was frequently used as a reward or a way to comfort him through challenging times. This conditioning has stayed with his inner child, who now associates food with emotional relief.
Parental affirmation
Tracey has been battling with orthorexia for a few years now. She grew up in a household where health and fitness were heavily emphasized. Tracey’s inner child interprets this as a need for strict control over her diet to the point of obsession, reflecting an insatiable need for acceptance and affirmation from her parents.
What is the Purpose of Healing Your Inner Child and What Positive Impacts May You See?
The purpose of healing your inner child is to address and resolve past traumas or emotional wounds, enabling an individual to live more fully in the present and engage more healthily with themselves and others. This process of healing can lead to numerous positive impacts, such as improved self-esteem, better emotional regulation, increased self-awareness, and healthier relationships. It can also aid in alleviating mental health issues such as anxiety and depression, which are often rooted in unresolved childhood trauma.
In the context of individuals healing from disordered eating behaviors, addressing the inner child can be particularly beneficial. As individuals work through their past traumas and learn healthier coping mechanisms, they may notice a decrease in disordered eating behaviors. They may also experience an enhanced sense of self-worth and body positivity, along with an improved relationship with food.
How to Connect with Your Inner Child
Self-Reflection and Journaling
One of the most effective ways to connect with your inner child is through self-reflection and journaling. Start by writing about your earliest childhood memories. Try to recall how you felt during those times and write down your emotions. This exercise can help you identify any unresolved feelings that need to be addressed.
Meditation and Visualization
Meditation can be a powerful tool in accessing your inner child. During your meditation, visualize yourself as a child. Engage with this younger version of yourself, ask questions, and listen to what they have to say. Does the younger version of you need a hug? Do they need to hear 'you are enough'? This exercise can help you gain insights into your inner child's needs and fears.
Playfulness and Creativity
Engage in activities you enjoyed as a child. It could be painting, dancing, playing a sport, or simply spending time in nature. These activities can help you reconnect with your inner child's sense of joy, wonder, and curiosity. If you struggle to remember moments of playfulness and creativity, take time to explore some activities you think you would have enjoyed as a child. Through a new compassionate and gentle approach, you can explore these things in a way you may not have had a chance to when you were younger.
Therapy and Counseling
Professional help can be invaluable in connecting with your inner child, especially if you have experienced trauma. Therapists can guide you through the process and provide tools and techniques to help you heal your inner child. This could involve various therapeutic approaches such as Inner Child Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or the Internal Family Systems model.
Remember, everyone's journey with their inner child is unique, and it's okay to seek professional guidance in navigating that journey. Therapists experienced in working with eating disorders and the inner child can provide the necessary tools to deal with triggers, and facilitate exploration of past traumas. Healing is not an overnight process, so patience with yourself is key.
Your younger self is saying a big thank you for simply being here today reading this blog…
At Central Coast Treatment Center, we specialize in providing empathetic care for eating disorders. If you are ready to explore starting therapy or treatment, please contact us today.
Emily Costa
Having struggled with an eating disorder herself, Emily is passionate about spreading awareness, education and the possibility of recovery with others. Emily previously volunteered as a Crisis Text Line counselor and with the eating disorder non-profit Project HEAL where she served as their blog manager, their NYC Chapter Leader & a recovery mentor in their Communities of HEALing pilot program completing training by the Carolyn Costin Institute. Emily now enjoys working with various treatment centers, clinicians and non-profits in the eating disorder community providing marketing and design services. In her free time she enjoys spending time with friends, hanging with her dogs, and reading a book at the beach.