6 Ways To Heal From Growing Up With An ‘Almond Mom’

Written by CCTC Staff Writer

Growing up in a home with toxic diet talk can have long-term negative effects on our mental and physical health. Research has found that these types of conversations create unhealthy relationships with food, body image, and self-worth. This article will explore the experience of recovering from growing up around such conversations, offer resources for healing, and provide guidance on how to create a more positive relationship with food and body.

Read on to learn more about:

What an ‘Almond Mom’ is
The impact of growing up with an #AlmondMom
6 steps to healing your relationship with food and your body

What is an ‘Almond Mom?’

Nowadays, "almond mom" is a term used to describe parents who transfer their own unhealthy dietary habits or disordered eating onto their children. In the social media world, by searching #almondmom one can find thousands of videos on TikTok featuring mostly young women impersonating how they perceive their parents – mainly moms – behaving - from restricting food intake to questioning what and how much the child consumes; not to mention over-exercising.

While this article references ‘Almond Mom’ it is essential to be conscious that all parental figures are capable of impacting their children's attitude towards food and body image, not just mothers.

What are the impacts of growing up in a home where dieting, disordered eating, and poor body image are normalized?

Growing up in a home where dieting, disordered eating, and poor body image are normalized can have serious impacts on children’s mental and physical health. Dieting behaviors, for example, may influence children to not only develop unhealthy eating habits but also lead to reduced feelings of self-worth and low self-esteem. Similarly, disordered eating patterns can lead to anxiety, depression and social isolation.

Additionally, children may internalize the poor body image attitudes they are exposed to and begin to view their own bodies in a negative light. This could lead to an increased likelihood of developing an eating disorder or engaging in unhealthy weight control behaviors.

Furthermore, children who have grown up in such an environment are more likely to develop unhealthy body image perceptions as adults, perpetuating the cycle of negative body image and disordered eating.

6 steps to healing your relationship with food, your body & yourself

Healing from an unhealthy relationship with food and body image is possible. Through self-reflection, self-compassion, and professional guidance, it is possible to learn how to nourish your mind and body in a healthy way. Here are X steps to take to begin the journey of healing:

1. Reflect on how pervasive diet culture has been in your life (and your mothers)

Diet culture is a set of beliefs and values that prioritize thinness and appearance, often focusing on restricting food intake or engaging in unhealthy behaviors to achieve this goal. Diet culture reinforces the idea that thinness equates to success, health, and happiness. It also promotes unrealistic body standards that can lead to disordered eating habits and poor self-image. Diet culture can be found in many aspects of our society, from advertisements to social media to everyday conversations.

Diet culture has a huge impact on mothers and their children, as it often serves to create unrealistic standards of beauty and health that are difficult to meet. Mothers in particular feel the pressure to look a certain way or achieve high levels of fitness, which can lead to poor body image for both themselves and their children.

Take time to think about how diet culture has impacted you, and how it likely influenced your mother. Have you grown up as a millennial with an increase in social media platforms as you grew up? Were you a child or teenager during the early 2000s where thin bodies were glorified and healthy or larger body types were harshly shamed on TV, magazine covers and by influential adults in your life (maybe including your mother)? What type of diet culture did your mother likely deal with growing up? What influences did she encounter in the media? Was Weight Watchers all the rage when she was a young adult?

Reflecting on these realities can give you insight into what may have impacted both you and your mother in developing difficult relationships with food, weight and body image.

2. Try to look at your mothers complicated issues with food and body image with compassion and empathy

Viewing your mother's disordered relationship with food can be difficult, especially if you have had to live with the consequences of her disordered eating. However, it is important to remember that your mother likely did not choose or cause her own disordered relationship with food; instead, she may have felt compelled by underlying psychological and emotional suffering.

Intergenerational trauma can play a major role in the development of disordered eating, body image issues, and unhealthy relationships with food. Trauma that is passed down through generations can lead to an inherited sense of shame which perpetuates feelings of worthlessness and low self-esteem, making individuals more vulnerable to developing an eating disorder or having poor body image. This trauma can also include the transmission of cultural messaging that places emphasis on certain stereotypes of beauty, causing individuals to strive for an unrealistic standard and become dissatisfied with their bodies. It is important to acknowledge this intergenerational trauma in order to better understand how it perpetuates disordered eating patterns.

Remembering your mother is only human and likely did the best she can despite harming can help lessen the anger you feel over time. This brings us to the next important step: feeling your feelings around this difficult topic.

3. Allow yourself to feel anger, sadness and grief

It can be difficult to acknowledge the pain that comes from having a mother who suffers from disordered eating patterns or poor body image. You may feel angry at your mother for passing on unhealthy behavior or sad about the ways in which it has impacted your relationship. As you look at the complicated issues with food and body image your mother has faced and how it impacts you, it is important to give yourself permission to feel these emotions.

Allow yourself to grieve for what could have been had your mother not suffered from an eating disorder or negative body image. Feel anger for the time you lost to being preoccupied by your body, dieting or trying to achieve weight loss. Allow yourself to be sad that you feel consumed by this pressure to lose weight to find approval from your mother. By allowing yourself to feel anger, sadness and grief, you can begin the process of healing and moving towards a healthier relationship with both yourself and your mother.

4. Take time to reflect on your current relationship with food and body image

Finally, take some time to reflect on how your mother's relationship with food and body image has impacted your own. Acknowledge any unhealthy behaviors or beliefs that you have picked up from her. Take the time to be mindful of how you think and speak about both food and body image currently and check-in with yourself regularly to gauge how these narratives may have shifted over time. Reflect on what it means to make peace with food and body image, and actively work towards creating a healthier relationship with both. Recognize that while you may never have the relationship with your mother that you desire, you can find acceptance within yourself.

5. Learn to deal with continued diet talk, toxic comments, or disordered behaviors

While we all wish our parents could be as dedicated as us to make positive changes to better their relationships to food and their body - the reality is that some mothers or parent figures will be stuck in their ways. While this is frustrating and oftentimes triggering, learning to cope with this is an important part of your own healing process.

Know you are not alone if you question why these toxic comments cannot simply stop. It is not uncommon for some in eating disorder treatment programs, even with family involvement, to share that their parents unfortunately continue to make unhelpful remarks about things such as food portions, weight fluctuations and appearance. This is a perfect example that even with intense intervention in a treatment setting, with psychoeducation from professionals, some parents are unable to turn this ‘diet talk’ off.

Having a conversation with your mother or family member, whether with the support of a therapist or not, can help educate your loved one on how their comments impact you. Again, this does not guarantee change but is an important way to share your feelings and concerns. Another option is writing a letter out to them explaining the way their comments or behaviors affect you and ask for some changes to be made. If they are unable to make changes, the next best thing is to set boundaries for yourself. Maybe this looks like eating less meals with them, limiting contact altogether, or learning to shut down the conversation when unhelpful things are said.

6. Reach out for help if you need it

If you feel overwhelmed or unable to cope with the trauma and emotions that come from having a mother with an unhealthy relationship with food and body image and what you struggle with now, please reach out for help.

Having a good relationship with food and body image is essential for physical and mental wellbeing. Working with a therapist or registered dietitian can be extremely beneficial in helping you to develop a healthier relationship with both. A therapist can help you work through any emotional issues that may be preventing you from having a healthy relationship with food and body image. They can provide you with the tools needed to build self-compassion and accept your body for what it is.

Similarly, a registered dietitian can help you develop a balanced approach towards food by providing guidance on nutrition to help you discover food freedom. They can also work with you to create an individualized meal plan that takes into account any dietary restrictions or health goals.

For some people, more intensive eating disorder treatment may be necessary in order to achieve a healthy relationship with food and body image. Eating disorder treatment programs focus on helping individuals gain insight into the thoughts and feelings that drive their disordered eating behaviors. Treatment such as an Intensive Outpatient Program provides an opportunity to explore underlying issues, develop healthier coping strategies, and learn how to create balance between physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. It can also provide a safe space for individuals to discuss any family dynamics that may be contributing to the disordered eating patterns.

Additionally, you can seek support from online communities and forums, or reach out to family and friends who can provide a listening ear or additional resources.

If you are struggling with disordered eating behaviors or body image issues and feel like you are ready to seek support, our team at Central Coast Treatment Center is here for you. It is important to remember that this is a journey, and it may take time to make meaningful progress, but it is possible and worth the effort. Learn more about our treatment programs and reach out to us today.

Ai PonoMarch 15, 2023